Stepping It Up

 With pedometer attached, I walked.  The goal, to get as many steps in during the month of January as I could.   I am fortunate that my job allows me to get up and walk.   And walk I did!  167.145 miles or 381,600 steps.  I climbed over 500 floors, which I found out is about the altitude that a helicopter flies at.   Whew! 

This year the Dan Abrahms Healthy Living Center is giving one habit a month to focus on to improve our healthy living.  The focus this month, physical activity.   The goal, to increase physical activity in some way.  This could be starting a new workout routine, adding a new activity, increasing intensity of workouts, anything that changes and/or adds to what you are already doing.  Luckily the focus corresponded with a walking challenge at work.   I joined other colleagues in wearing pedometers this month to track how many steps we could take through the entire month of January.  

The  steps were just part of the journey for physical activity, as I am also trying to incorporate some variety into my workout times.  Cardio exercises are my fall back, the ones I do most often.   I am working on incorporating some strength exercises into my routine as well. 

My New Year's Resolution in October

I am two weeks ahead of schedule. Considering the year that it has been and the changes to my schedule that I had not anticipated, I was so pleased to log my 44th book yesterday. At the beginning of the year, I set a goal for myself to read 52 books this year. A book a week. I knew it was an aggressive goal but it was something I wanted to try. I got the idea when my college roommate posted on Facebook that she had read 80 books in 2011. I knew that was unrealistic for me, but I wanted a challenge.

On top of the challenge in how many books to read, I wanted to challenge myself to expand beyond my favorite and preferred genre. This year I have read biographies/memoirs, self-help/self-esteem, culture awareness, best selling fiction, and classics that I have not read before and otherwise might not ever read.

There have been so many books that have touched me in different ways that I always wanted to write about and I never got around to doing so. I don't know if I will go back and write about each of them, but moving forward I would like to. I am not an expert review writer, but I would like to share them with you. At the end of the year, I will post my entire list of books read this year.

Unscripted

He has seen the movie many times and knows it by heart, where I have only seen it once. He quotes the lines right along with the actors, not missing a cue.

The actress asks, "Do you believe me?" The actor on the movie is silent, but he turns to me looking me in the eye and says, " I do believe you."

The actress asks, "Do you trust me?" The actor again is silent, but he turns to me looking me in the eye and says, " I do trust you."

And I know deep in my heart that even on the hardest of days, I am going to hang on to these words because these words were not prompted or scripted. They were words that he chose to say to express his feelings and they will get us through.

Celebrating Ten Years

Ten years ago a friend of mine asked me if I would teach her daughter piano lessons because she was having trouble finding a teacher that would take someone who was so young. 

Me?

I haven't touched a piano in four or five years!

What on earth could I possibly teach someone about piano?

Where do I start?

What books do I use? 

I'm. so. scared!



"Sure, I'd love to!"  And thus without my knowing it began a new chapter in my life. 

I thought this was just a short term commitment until my friend's daughter was old enough to be accepted by another teacher.   God saw it differently.   Starting with just three students, it quickly grew to five students, then six and seven.   I had no idea what I was doing and was learning as I was going.    In less than a year, I had enough students to fill the time I had available with Mark working full time and a one year old running around the house. 

God has used these ten years as a faith journey: 

• Stepping outside my comfort zone
• Overcoming the childhood fear of playing in front of people
• Trusting Him to provide for our family 
• Discovering new talents and joys I didn't know I had

I have enjoyed the opportunity to work with many students, and have learned from each of them.   I have learned about myself and what it is to be patient and understanding.   I have learned about life in general and how to relate to different people.  They taught me how to love music, wasn't that supposed to be my job?!  I am grateful for the people who have sat at the piano with me as we learn and grow together.   I appreciate the parents who have trusted me to work with each student, many of you have become close friends as well. 

To each of my students and their parents, present and past, I thank you. 

A "New Normal"

My "new normal" as a friend put it.    I couldn't have picked a better way to describe life and the amazing amount of changes that happened to our family in the month of May.   Despite that we are in the second half of the month of June, I find that I am still trying to get a grasp on what our "new normal" will look like.

I don't know if I can totally process all of the changes, and some of it will be just going to the motions until it becomes routine.   Then the "new normal" will just be "normal".   Perhaps I am struggling because as I tend to do, I have put myself on a schedule.  As I get ready for the day today, I ask myself, "How can I put myself on a schedule to process this information?"   I can't.   Maybe that is why my mind won't move forward.  

Working full-time.  After eleven years of being self employed, and working various part-time jobs, I find that I am searching.   Searching for what life will now look like.  I know where I am at is part of His plan.   How could it not be?   The timing, the open doors, everything falling into place so easily.   Truthfully I am very fortunate, and I know that.  But, a small part of me feels that some things I was excited about and passionate about are now on hold or will never happen. What do I do with those now?

Michal Zacharzewski, SXC

At this stage of the game, I don't see how the two will gel, the plans I had before and the way my life seems to be going now.  Who knows, perhaps there is a way that this step leads me in the direction of those passions and plans.   Maybe those plans where "my" plans and not "His" plans? 

I know His timing is always perfect.   And I find comfort in the fact that in looking back over my life, He has always prepared me for the next step.   I didn't always realize it at the time, but He ever so gently took my hand and walked ahead of me paving the way to where I am today.

So as I sit here, with questions and curiosity about the next step, feeling like there is a change of direction in my life, I know that He is preparing me for the future.  I may not completely know or totally understand what that looks like, but I do know without a doubt, that when I do reach that next step, I will look back to today and know that this was part of His plan, and I will be so grateful for this part of the journey.

Opening Doors to the Future & Finding Memories

We are all curious as we park and walk up to the front doors.   For some of us, it is the first time passing through these doors, for others, it is not.   They have been here a couple of times before.  For me, these doors are not new, and I have pass through them more than just a couple of times.   Rather, these doors while opening up to the future for my son, open to the memories of my childhood.   My first days in a new city where I knew no one, and the couple of years before the adventure of high school.   For me, the curiosity is what has changed, and what has withstood the years remaining constant.  

Listening to the presentation about daily life in the life of a middle school student,  I am amazed at how much is the same and yet, how much has changed.   The attitudes, one word answers to questions, the awkwardness of changing bodies and hormones is still there, not unlike my experience.   The talk of hurt feelings from text messages and unkind facebook posts, adds a whole new dynamic that I never had to worry about in this building.   These years are hard, and I am afraid they will be even harder for my son.   He is a great kid, I know he will do great. 

Following the presentation, we are allowed to roam the halls, finding different rooms.  We are directed into the cafeteria, it hasn't changed.   However, I am anxious to walk the halls and explore. 

We walk past the band room, the memories are there behind the locked door, perhaps to be revisited at another time.   The rooms where I first learned about electricity and wood working have changed.  

Heading up the stairs, we pass the main office, and I remember the kind woman who helped me transition into the new school district as a seventh grader.   I will never forget her kindness and her hugs when I would sit in her office sure I would never make a friend.    I point out the science rooms where E too will study Earth Science.    Gone are the Home Ec rooms, now Pre-Algebra and Algebra classrooms.   

Upstairs we visit the different sixth grade rooms, and I see the room where we studied Greek Mythology.   Continuing down another hall, I find the door where for a year I was Heidi in German class, now and English classroom.   The library is new, and I love it.   It is bright, welcoming, and most importantly, my son is beyond words excited about it.   

Curious and excited to walk the halls tonight, the evening did not disappoint.   I celebrated the new changes and smiled at the memories.  Perhaps my son will walk these halls next year and begin making memories of his own in this building.  Whether or not that is where he ends up, I am so glad I had the opportunity to go back and remember my first days in this wonderful city I now call home. 

A Night Out

Being sick over the weekend leaves my energy reserves a little low.   It was so tempting, after the day of work, to want to put on pajamas and cuddle in on the couch with a book.  However, we had put it on the calendar, so I slipped into a nice outfit and head out for an evening with him.   Instead of our usual places to grab something to eat, we try something a little different. 

We sit across from each other with nothing to distract us, nothing between us but the small table.   We are not here because of disaster control or to fix anything, rather here to just be together.   We don't have anything that needs to be discussed which feels good.   Too often, we let the busyness of life get in the way of time together.  Now, we have time.  Time to sit, talk, and share.   We discuss the events of our day, the books we are reading, and the people we have talked to that day.     

Dinner is finished and I can't help but smile.   I am deeply content.   I want to linger at the table longer, not wanting the time to end.  While I know that evenings like these won't become a routine event in our schedule, I am looking forward to the next time the opportunity presents itself.   In the meantime, I am grateful for the night that we had, because nights like these cannot be made, they just happen.  
 

One Word

One word as a theme.   So many to choose from, and yet, the answer was there before I even realized what the question was.   The answer, Embrace.   The challenge, to come up with one word that would be the theme of the upcoming year. 

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, 

ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, 

and walking-around life-and place it before God as an offering.  

Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him."  

Romans 12:1  Message

This verse was given to me during the December devotional I was reading this month.   A gift, it gave the answer to my pondering what the new year would look like for me.   My everyday, the ordinary,  the day in and day out events of my life, that is the offering that I am to give.   I do not have to take on something bold, something new, something daring, rather enjoy what he has already brought into my life that makes it so rich already.    "Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." 

My instinct is to always be looking for the new, the better, the interesting, the different.   Always looking ahead to the next event or goal, my challenge this year is to be fully present, to be open, to avail myself, and to accept what is already here.  

I first heard about this idea of a one word theme a couple of years ago from Chris Giovagnoni when I was a new sponsor with Compassion.   The idea intrigued me, but I had not really put anymore thought into it.   I was reminded again this year of Chris's journey with choosing one word to guide you through the year.   I am intrigued and excited to see what the new year brings with a new and different focus for me.

Possibility in the New Year

The Christmas celebrations are over and the New Year celebrations are just around the corner.  This week finds me in reflection of the year that is coming to a close.   There are highlight years in my life, ones that stand out as being "life changing" or those in which significant events have happened.   This happens to be a highlight year with a lot of changes, events, and much learning.

In no particular order, here is a list of eleven significant things from my 2011:


1.  I had the opportunity to begin working in an office environment for a couple hours a day while the kids are in school.  This has been a wonderful opportunity and the people I work for are great.   It has also been an adjustment for me as I have not worked in an office environment or been accountable to a "boss" for over ten years.

2.  I ran a half marathon.   It was something I never thought I could do as I never considered myself athletic.   The sense of accomplishment and the knowledge that I have completed this made a huge change in my view of myself.

3.  For five years, I have tried to teach my own children how to play piano.  As it is my profession, I thought it would be easier than it was.   This year I began a search for a different piano teacher for them and we ended up with a wonderful teacher who understood where I was coming from and helped me to not feel like a failure in looking for a piano teacher for my own children.

4.  Hard work and determination pay off.  Part of this discovery was in training for the half marathon, the other part was in coaching the LEGO robotics team.   The marathon was an event that I was excited to participate in and something that I wanted to do, the end result was exhilarating  as I crossed the finish line.    When we looked into the LEGO robotics, both Mark and I agreed that we did not have the time to coach the team, but we were both excited about the possibility for E.   Two weeks later, through events beyond our control, we found ourselves coaching the team.   The time commitment was demanding, and the work beyond my comprehension.   Determined to provide the experience for E, we took on the huge learning curve, set aside some things, and ended up competing really well at the tournament.   Whether it is something you want to do in life or whether it is something that life hands you, hard work and determination pay off. 

5.  With a new addition to our family this year, I have five nieces and a nephew to love in addition to my children.  With age ranges from newborn to ten, there are many stages of life going on.   The cuddly newborn stage when they are totally dependent on you for everything to the three year old trying desperately to find her way to express her thoughts to the five year old beginning school to the eight year old navigating though friendships and the ten year old preparing for middle school, each stage in childhood is one to be celebrated and enjoyed.   

6.  It has been a great year for Mark and I as we continue to make new friends and develop the friendships that we already have.  Each friendship that we have has enriched our lives in ways that we may not even know yet, but we know that each friendship is a gift from God and one that we are grateful for.

7.  Investing in myself is important.   This year was the second time that I have taken the time to invest in myself.  The first time was seven years ago this New Year's Day, when I made a commitment to myself to loose weight and lost almost 50 pounds.  This year was a year dedicated to exercise and fitness.   In January the thoughts of going to the gym were purely weight loss focused and also training for the half marathon.   As the year progressed the gym became a way that I was taking care of myself.   I have found that when I take the time to invest in myself, my outlook on life is so much better.

8.  You can't take life for granted.   In November, I was reminded that each and every day is precious and a gift.   In a moments notice, you can find that a dearly loved one is no longer by your side.   Each day is a day to love hard and cherish those around you because there is no guarantee for tomorrow.

9.  I am His.   Something I was taught from a very young age, that God loves us and there is nothing we can do to change that.   My head knew the words, yet deep in my heart was a different story.   I would listen to the whispers of the world and the opinions of others, letting that affect my self esteem rather than resting and absorbing in His love.  This year I am learning to rest in His presence and His love and let that be the foundation of who I am.   (Still working on this.)

10.  Despite the busyness of our schedules leading up to the holidays, I was able to spend time each day through the month of December remembering the reason that we celebrate Christmas.   The stress of preparing for the holidays took a back seat this year for the first time, while I spent the month celebrating the birth and love of my God.

11.  Possibility.   Each of the events above was an opportunity offered to me in this past year.   As the calendar page is about to turn and bring in the new year, new possibilities and opportunities will be knocking on our door.    This year promises to bring changes to our family and while those changes are already being anticipated, I look forward to the possibilities and opportunities that are not yet realized that we can embrace, wrestle with, grow through, and at the end, smile as they might just be one of the highlights of the year.


Today I am linking up with Julie, for Words, words, words.   Be sure to check out her beautiful writing here.  

Broken Pieces

On the days that I find myself standing before God, broken pieces of my life in my hands, I wonder how a perfect God can love someone so broken, so imperfect. I see my failures, the times I didn't get it quite right, and I am discouraged. As I look at the pieces of my life, I wonder what it is He sees in me.

He picks up the broken pieces, different sizes and colors, and carefully arranging them with a plan in mind.   Just like a stained glass window, it is not until His light shines through that a brilliant work of art is created.   Not because of what I have done, but because of what He has done. 

I find it hard to always see myself as God sees me.   Too easily, I get focused on the failures, wondering how a perfect God can love someone who continually messes up.  But He does.   

"I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand 

the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people 

who are his rich and glorious inheritance.  

 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness 

of God’s power for us who believe him."

--Ephesians 1:18-19 NLT

A song, still lingering in my mind, has become a reminder.    A reminder that He is still working in my life, even though not every day is full of success and one that I feel good about.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new.
Gungor "Beautiful Things"

A New Day, A New Beginning

When plans have shifted and all of a sudden I find myself facing a task that I had no intention of picking up and really did not want to balance in my already busy schedule, I can adjust and move forward making the best of the situation, or I can fight it and resent it.  Fighting and resenting is what I did yesterday.   I wasted a lot of energy fighting and resenting a situation that I cannot change.   By noon, I was exhausted and ready for bed.  I had cried, worried, and had an inner battle with everything I was feeling.  

Before Mark left for work yesterday, he said that there are times in life when we have to be fully present in the moment.   Even if we are in the middle of a task that we do not like, or do not want to be in, which for him was prepping the lawn for winter on Sunday, being fully present can bring the calm and rest in the situation rather than the emotional struggle I was facing yesterday.  

Oh, I wish I had listened and taken that to heart at seven o'clock yesterday morning rather than fighting it all day and finally accepting it just before going to bed last night.   I think the day overall would have been a much better day.  

This morning, I am grateful for a new beginning.   A new day to try again.   I am going to live fully in the moment of today and try to take it as the day comes, not worrying about tomorrow, the rest of the week, or the upcoming weeks.   For some reason this seems to be a struggle of mine.   I tend to give my worry up to God, only to find myself picking it back up again and carrying it around for a little longer.   I wonder why I do it to myself.   

By worrying about the future and what is coming, perhaps I am missing what God is trying to teach me or give me right now.   Perhaps He needs me to help someone else, and by fighting and resenting, I am missing an opportunity.  

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, 

and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  

God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."  

Matthew 6:34 Message

Today, I want to focus on what God is doing in my life "right now" and let tomorrow take care of itself.  

Another Destination

Rome, Paris, London, you name it, I am ready! My bags are packed!

It is my desire to travel the world someday, to experience and see different places and cultures. Mark and I have talked about visiting Italy and the food and architecture. I would love to go back to Switzerland, taking Mark with me, to see the majesty of the Alps against the blue sky. To experience an African safari, seeing the animal that I have grown up seeing in zoos, running in the open is mind blowing. We have also talked about visiting our Compassion children which would take us to countries like Indonesia, Philippines, and Honduras.

I don't know if our life will ever allow us to travel to the places that we dream about, however, there is one more place that has been added to my wish list of destinations.... Mexico. I would love to see the migration of the monarch butterflies to Mexico.

One morning this week, while on the treadmill, there was a documentary on the television about this migration. I was not listening to it, rather looking at pictures as they flashed across the screen. The life of a butterfly intrigues me as I have written about a little here. For me the transformation from the caterpillar to the butterfly is such an amazing metamorphosis. From "ugly" caterpillar, to colorful butterfly, or, being confined to the ground, perhaps even one plant, to a few weeks later having the ability to fly across the continent seems to be one of the ultimate transformations to me.

The closest I have come to this experience was a couple of summers ago when the Minnesota Zoo and Como Zoo had the butterfly garden exhibit. Yes, I did go to both!

To walk into a habitat built just for the butterflies, was so peaceful and soothing to my soul. It didn't matter that there were forty to fifty other people in the exhibit at the time, I didn't even notice. I was transported to a different realm, one where it was just the butterflies and myself. Butterflies floating through the air, resting on shoulders, hats, bags, even hands. It was like a little peace of heaven on earth for me.

When I saw the video of hikers visiting the areas of Mexico where the Monarch Butterflies migrate, I knew, in that moment, that Mexico was added to my list of places to visit. Image so many butterflies filling the air, flying together, meeting up at the end of a great journey to warmer climates. I imagine is an awesome view and a place filled with peace.

Photo from http://www.nhm.ac.uk/about-us/news/2007/june/news_11893.html

Photo from http://idiosynchrony.wordpress.com/2008/01/08/the-butterfly-clock/

Photo from http://standeyo.com/NEWS/10_Animals/100330.butterflies.battered.html by Chip Taylor

Putting Up Walls

One of the chapters we read for small group this week is about plans and whether it is easy or difficult to stick to plans or agendas.   My first gut reaction is, "I love plans!"  I am a task oriented person who thrives on plans.    Give me a goal or an objective, I will create a plan to accomplish that.

Done.

Easy.

What's next? 

But wait.  

There is more to that question isn't there?  What happens when the goal or the objective is not something I am all that excited about fixing?  Oh, that goal. 

Well..., then that is a different story all together.   If the goal is something I am not excited about fixing, then the cover up begins.  What if upon examining my life, I find God pointing to something I really don't want to work on?

But God, don't you see that I am working on this....

And over here, God, I am making huge progress on this issue right now! 

I am too busy working on these other things, (these things I want to be working on) that I can't work on this right now.   Maybe the next goal or agenda we can work on that together ok?
 
This morning I had a conversation with one of my children about being receptive to help, especially when they have asked for the help.  Putting up walls when need for improvement is pointed out, is not asking for help.  After a very pointed five minute conversation that ended with "something for you think about today," with backpack on, the trek to the playground begins the school day.

I don't like to send my children off to school that way, it doesn't make me feel good, and I know it probably doesn't make them feel good.  But unfortunately, those mornings happen.

I headed home with many thoughts spinning around in my head.

Did I say the right things?

Did it make sense?

Did I say too much?  Too little? 

In the middle of the processing, loud and clear, was the question, "What about you?" 

Why is it when I have been struggling with something for a long time and keep asking for advice, upon receiving the advice completely ignore it?   For seven years!!!   For seven years, I have struggled, prayed, asked for advice, never changing my responses. 

Last week in a conversation with my Dad, and me asking for his advice AGAIN, he looked me in the eye and told me enough was enough.   It is time to change.  It was direct, it was to the point, and the message was loud and clear. 

Because I was STILL balking at the idea of change, I asked my mom, "Do you think Dad is right."

Yep.

Hmmmmm. 


This morning, I realize I have been doing the same thing as my child whom I was talking to this morning.    I keep asking for advice, receiving help, and putting up walls. 

Why?  Because the change is hard.   It is unlearning habits that have formed and refocusing the energy in a positive way.

It doesn't matter that I am working on other things to improve my life that I want to work on, now I have to work on something that God has been telling me for years, through my parents and even through Mark, that I need to work on. 

As I type, I think back to the one walking to the playground with a little less bounce in the step, and I now understand.   It is not easy to change something that we don't want to change or that comes naturally, but we have been requested to change,

and the journey begins today.

One More Run At It

The third week is here.   Already.  I said I needed three weeks, and my how they have flown by.  It is hard for me to believe that two and a half weeks ago, I was crossing the finish line feeling excited, exhausted, overwhelmed, and many other things.   Things that I don't know if I will ever be able to put into words.   What caught me most by surprise was the let down the next day.   I had thought the feeling of accomplishment would be huge on Monday.   I expected to feel proud of crossing my first finish line.   What greeted me Monday morning when I opened my eyes were tears.   Why tears?   As a multitude of feelings washed over me, I had so much to think about and to process.   All of the hard work and energy in preparing were not in vain.   I felt ready for the run.   It wasn't that I was not pleased with the results.   Rather, the preparation, anticipation, and run were done.  The feelings of "Now What?" resonated so loudly within me.  

In the days that followed the run, a common question was "Are you going to run a marathon?" to which I can honestly answer, that at this point, I have no desire to run a full marathon.  Another question was "Are you going to run another race?"  That question didn't have an answer.   I promised myself that I would take the three weeks of "recovery" to process my feelings, put my running shoes on again, and see how everything "feels" again. 

Those three weeks are nearly up and in this time, I have found that I have a lot more confidence in myself.   During training, I would cut a run short because I didn't think I could make it one step further.  Now, I know the truth, there is nothing in the training that I cannot do because I ran 13.1 miles.    I am becoming comfortable running by myself.   During my training, I was blessed to have my dad by my side for most of the time.   He was a constant source of encouragement whether we were out for 30 minutes or for 10 miles.   Since the run, I have taken some time to run on my own and get inside my own head and now know that I can do these shorter distances on my own and I am building confidence in myself.  I faced the fear on Sunday night that I could stop running and training without a blink of an eye, or at least that is what I felt that particular night.   Monday morning found me running hills, listening to podcasts, and glad that I had taken the time to run.   Can I just give it up?   I don't know.   I like how I felt when I was running, I liked that I was doing something good for my body.

To back track a little, on Sunday night, my mom brought a book back to me that I had given her to read.   It is a very inspiring book about a young man who has accomplished much in his life so far.   With many Olympic medals to mark his achievements, he wrote a book about his training and his inspirations.   His book is titled "Zero Regrets" as that is his thought process when he is training.   When the training gets difficult, he reminds himself that he wants to complete the trainings and do his best so that when he lays down to sleep at night, he can look back over his day with no regrets.   I kept reminding myself about his book when I was preparing for my run.   This book found its way back to my desk.   I have not put the book away yet as I keep pondering "zero regrets."

I ask myself, if I didn't run again, would I regret it?   If I didn't give running another chance, would I wonder what it would feel like to run a race when I knew I could do it.   The answer to both of those questions, I found out this morning, is yes.   My dad mentioned to me in April that there were a couple of options for another half marathon run at the end of the summer.   At the time running was hard, I wasn't sure I enjoyed it, but somewhere deep inside me, I knew at that moment, I would most likely be running another race at the end of the summer. 

Today the decision has been made.   The date is on my calendar again, and I am going to run another half marathon.  I think.  I say I think because it feels so new, and I wonder if perhaps I may change my mind.   This morning I had the same butterflies in the tummy feeling as when I committed to the first run.   With a few tears in my eyes, I called my support group and asked them if they would be there at the finish line.    With a resounding yes, the decision has been made and I am going to run again.   I have heard that the training will be harder this time but that the run will be easier.   So, with a nervous excitement, I look at the calendar with anticipation of what the next nine and a half weeks will hold for me.

Success With Much Love and Support

The finish line has been crossed and people cheered us on from the starting line to the finish line.   I was amazed at how many people stood by the side of the road to cheer on the runners.    I am still processing the run, but what I do know is that I did the best I could do.   A friend of mine pointed out that four months ago, I was not a runner.   I was new to the health club and could hardly complete a 20 minute work out.   As of today, I have put over 100 miles on my running shoes and completed 13.11  miles at one time.   That is an accomplishment, and one I never thought I could say "I have done that". 

This post is not one to process the entire run because first, there are so many people I want to thank.   Without these people the finish line crossing would have looked so different, and possibly may not have happened.  




Mark.  The training schedule not only affected my days, but yours as well, with the early morning and going to bed while the sun was still up so that I would get enough sleep.  Your understanding is much appreciated when I would come home from a run so sore I had to sit on the couch a couple of times while you pulled the kids together and got things done.   I enjoyed our early morning conversations over coffee, something I hope continues in the future!  Your encouragement through the days when I was frustrated, and your enthusiasm when the runs were good is not forgotten.  Thank you for your constant support and for being at the finish line,  knowing you were there kept me going.  I love you and am so happy that you are my husband and best friend.

E and Addy.  You are amazing.  I appreciate your encouragement and excitement as I embarked on a new journey in my life.   It was fun to share each day's stats with you and the hugs and high fives you gave made it all the more fun.   I loved the signs and bell ringing that greeted me at the finish line.   I love you both so much! 

Dad.   To experience one of your passions with you for these past months means more than I can even put into words.   It is definitely something I will never forget.   Thank you for sharing your knowledge and getting me through so many of the unknowns.  Thank you for keeping me accountable in the early mornings, and for all of the conversations we had. 

Mom.   You told me that I can do whatever I put my mind to, and it gave me the confidence to even attempt this run.   Thank you for the continued support and encouragement, and thank you most of all for the mornings that you were home drinking coffee by yourself while Dad was running with me.   I know that took away from your time with him, and I do not take that for granted.  Thank you for being at the finish line, knowing you were there kept me going. 

Julie.   You asked a question that has transformed my life.   I have completed something I had never thought I would do.  Thank you for your friendship, support, and for the mornings that we ran even though it was cold and a cup of coffee sounded like a better idea.   I look forward to summer runs together. 

Leanna.   Thank you for the Tuesday night talks and the support and encouragement you gave during those talks.   I looked forward to each and every one of them!    Thanks go to you and your family for being at the finish line, it means so much that you gave up a holiday weekend to be here. 

To those who came to the post-race party.   Your coming to the party gave me something to look forward to when the nerves of the race were at an all time high.   The great company and good food were great thought distraction as the 13.11 miles passed by.

So Special

Today I received an early birthday present from two very special four year old girls.   I walked into their class this morning to collect them for our computer time and was presented with these two beautiful pieces of art:

I love them!   I am going to keep them as a reminder of the children who were in my life for a very short season. 

The other part of my day that I don't want to forget is a story about another little boy at another center that I was at today.   He has been a challenging student all year.    He has been the hardest student for me to work with.   I have at times been ready to send him back to his classroom and ask the teacher to not send him back to class.    Even the director at the day care center said this student would be the death of her one day.  While getting the children for class today, this little boy came running up to me and grabbed my hand.   He then began talking to me (a first) telling me how he was such a fast runner because he was the first one in line for class today.   Once we were all settled in our group and talking about today's lesson he raised his hand (another first) so I called on him.   He said, "Miss Janelle, your necklace is so beautiful."   I don't know if it was just the day or if we have crossed a new bridge together.   That, I may never know, but none the less, I am glad that today we had that connection. 

After nine months of stretching, learning, and growing, we are near the end of my contract.  I have two weeks left with these children.   I am so thankful that this week was a good week with them.   I think back to my interview and remember my boss saying that the first part of the year is hard because the kids have to learn about you, learn your systems, learn your style, learn how you do things.   He also said that May is easy, the children know you, they know your systems, and they know how you do things.   I am so glad that the hard part is in the past and that I am left with the good time and remember that as I move onto another new journey in life. 

In Awe... Again

I was on my knees, wondering what the future was going to hold.  With tears in my eyes and fear in my heart, I gave it up to Him, totally and completely, holding nothing back.   I surrendered all the control I thought I had, when in all actuality, I had none and asked once again for His provision. 

Today, I am left speechless and in awe....again, because He provides as he always does. 

I Think I Can, I Think I Can.... Right??

Here we go.   I am about to embark upon another journey, and truthfully, this one scares me to death.  Being a person who thrives on setting goals, I am in the process of setting a goal that I am both really excited and intrigued about and so completely terrified about. 

This past weekend a couple of friends mentioned that they were going to run the half marathon in the Med City Marathon.   I can't remember exactly how we came around to this, but all of a sudden one of them asked me if I would want to run with them.   I don't remember what I said at the moment because my mind was reeling.   "Could I actually do this?  I have thought about it before, but could I actually run half a marathon?" 

All day Sunday I processed what it would look like, the training, the time commitment, etc.   Talking with Mark and with my dad, both said sure, I could do it if I wanted.   Ah, there is the key, is this something I want? 

I won't go into the many hours of brain power I have put behind this decision, but as of last night, I told my friend I "think" I am going to do this with you. 

The "think" is in there because the race in and of itself intrigues me.   Last year E and Addy ran in the Kids Med City Marathon and loved it.   When E came home from school talking about it, I wondered if a marathon were something I could ever do.   As the months went on and May approached, I had done no training and really made no preparations for it.   So we participated in the kid's portion of the race and went on with our summer.  

When asked this past weekend if I would like to run in the race, it brought up the thoughts and feelings of I would like to do it, but will I like it?  I have never been in a physical condition to enjoy exercise and running.   It is not something I have developed the love for yet, but I am excited to see what happens when I do get to a place where I feel like I am physically in shape.   

The excitement is what I can accomplish with this goal.   I know that upon crossing the finish line, I would feel a great sense of accomplishment.   The fear is on the training and the idea of what if I get into this and I find I really dislike running?   Thirteen miles is a long time to run if running is not one's thing. 

Since I don't know if I like running or not, I am going to move ahead with the training and the preparations, and come May I may be running in a race, or not.   If not, I will have had months of exercise and there is nothing wrong with that. 

Now to get my running shoes......

Friday Already or Finally Friday?

This week has been crazy.   In one sense, I can't believe it is Friday already.  The days have been full and busy and flown by.   In another sense, it is Finally Friday.   Do you ever have a week like that?   

I made my goal of getting to the DAHLC every day this week.   Yesterday and today were obviously the hardest days of the week.  Yesterday I wanted to turn the alarm off and roll over rather than greet the day head on at 4:50 on a dark, cold morning.  But I made it and had a great workout and conversation with my dad.   Today was physically hard.  I felt like I was going to be sick, but I pushed through it and had my highest calorie burn day yet wrapping up the week with a grand total of 2,945 calories burned this week.   Knowing that number makes the early mornings worth it this week!   Every morning I tell E how many calories I burned at the gym and his supportive response is always "Wow, Mom!"   Today, my dear son, knowing I am always reaching for higher and better asked me if my next goal was to burn 800 calories in one day.   Today, that number didn't seem all that far away.... two months ago, I thought it was impossible.  

It was great to see most of my piano students again this week and see the joy in their faces as we talked about Christmas and what they did with their time off.   I loved being with my family and having time with them, but it is good to be back with my students again as well. 

I have been in the grips of a book that I could not put down.   It had me engaged to the very last page.   If you are looking for a great read sometime, check out Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.   Excellent read!   

Mark and I have had some great conversations this week about our family, our future, and about learning who we are and where we have come from.  

Today I am anxiously awaiting 3:30 when I will have my car full of women from my small group as we head to the cities for a weekend away.   The weekend has the promise to be a great weekend, and I am looking forward to some extra time with my friends. 

The week has been busy and eventful and there are some things that deserve more time and conversation about, but at this point in my day, they will have to wait.   I have to get my bag in the car and get ready to go!  

No Sweat

It was one of those moments that a person has when something profound happens and you can remember for a long time where you were, what you were doing, what you were thinking at the exact moment when a major event happens.   For example, I can tell you exactly where I was when I heard the news that a plane had flown into the twin towers.  I am talking about a moment like that.  One that I can distinctly remember happened on January 1, 2006.   After celebrating the beginning of another year watching the ball drop, I was laying in bed thinking about my New Year's Resolutions.   Up to that point I had never really set resolutions for fear of breaking them or the thought that I may forget about them a month later.   As I laid in the dark room contemplating what I most wanted to  happen, I came upon one resolution.  I wanted to loose weight.   After two pregnancies and not really sticking to any sort of diet,  I had put on more weight than I really wanted to deal with.   I hated the way I looked, clothes shopping was not any fun, and I just wanted to change.   My sister was getting married in September of that year, I made a short term goal to loose 2 pounds a month so that by September, I would be 18 pounds lighter.   There, resolution made, plan in place, I felt good.    September came, and I was just shy of my weight goal, but none the less, I felt good. 

Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2007, another day I will never forget.   I stepped on the scale to check the numbers before the holiday weekend began and that day marked a total loss of 50 pounds.   I had done it.   I didn't jump up and down or anything like that, rather I remember sitting on the steps thinking back about how I had done it.  I felt good, because I had lost the weight, but I had also stuck with something and had done something that was good for myself.  


This Thanksgiving marks 3 years that I have maintained very close to the weight I was at Thanksgiving of 2007.   It as been work and been a continual effort of keeping after my diet after slipping, as a diet tends to do.   January 1, 2011 will be the five year anniversary of making the goal, it is hard to even fathom it.  

Today begins a new personal journey.   I have proven to myself that I can keep the weight off.   I have done that.  My new goal involves exercise.   It is an area that I really lack in as I did not loose weight by exercising, but by portion control alone.   I mean, I walk or I will play Wii Fit, but really exercise was not a priority.  Last Thursday I joined the Healthy Living Center.   I was scared, excited, and overwhelmed.  

My dad took me to the center to help me get started as I had never set foot in a fitness center before.   He mentioned I might want an extra change of clothes depending on how much I sweat when I exercise.  Packing an extra set, I thought "I don't sweat much."  He gave me a great idea for remembering my code in the locker room so I am not one of the people staring at a locker that has my belongings locked in it that I cannot access due to forgotten codes.  Next he showed me where the towels are and grabbed one.   I followed suit thinking, "I don't sweat much." 

We started on the treadmills and I thought to myself, I can do this.   No sweat!  After about four minutes Dad said I seemed to be doing well, I could bump up the intensity if I wanted to.   Sure, why not?!?!  After about 15 minutes on the treadmills, my dad asked if I was OK, to which I replied, doing great!   He left to do some other exercises and I put my music on.   I followed each incline change that was on the program and all of a sudden I was walking inclines of 21% then 24% and yikes, it hit 30% incline.  Honestly I think it is the first time I have ever had a workout like that, and I am glad I grabbed a towel! 

Here is to day one at the fitness center.   It wasn't as scary as I had anticipated, thanks Dad!   I am planning to go back again tomorrow.   Next week, I have scheduled a Wellness Evaluation.   I have no high hopes or unrealistic expectations of this exam.   I know I am out of shape...after all, that is why I am going to the center.  I don't know how I am going to measure this goal yet, I am hoping the evaluation next week will give me some answers to that.   In the mean time, I am going to head back to the fitness center and hopefully get my bearings.