Monday Morning Reflections

Monday morning. The start of another very busy week, but I am taking a few minutes to reflect on the good and absorb the quiet. The laundry can wait and the to-do list will still be there, always waiting. For a couple of minutes I am going to enjoy the kids, rubbing sleep from their eyes, as they settle in chairs next to me. I want to savor the first hugs of the day and mumbled good mornings as they slowly wake up. I am putting off tasks - perhaps it is procrastinating - but in the mean time, I am soaking up the good around me.

A "New Normal"

My "new normal" as a friend put it.    I couldn't have picked a better way to describe life and the amazing amount of changes that happened to our family in the month of May.   Despite that we are in the second half of the month of June, I find that I am still trying to get a grasp on what our "new normal" will look like.

I don't know if I can totally process all of the changes, and some of it will be just going to the motions until it becomes routine.   Then the "new normal" will just be "normal".   Perhaps I am struggling because as I tend to do, I have put myself on a schedule.  As I get ready for the day today, I ask myself, "How can I put myself on a schedule to process this information?"   I can't.   Maybe that is why my mind won't move forward.  

Working full-time.  After eleven years of being self employed, and working various part-time jobs, I find that I am searching.   Searching for what life will now look like.  I know where I am at is part of His plan.   How could it not be?   The timing, the open doors, everything falling into place so easily.   Truthfully I am very fortunate, and I know that.  But, a small part of me feels that some things I was excited about and passionate about are now on hold or will never happen. What do I do with those now?

Michal Zacharzewski, SXC

At this stage of the game, I don't see how the two will gel, the plans I had before and the way my life seems to be going now.  Who knows, perhaps there is a way that this step leads me in the direction of those passions and plans.   Maybe those plans where "my" plans and not "His" plans? 

I know His timing is always perfect.   And I find comfort in the fact that in looking back over my life, He has always prepared me for the next step.   I didn't always realize it at the time, but He ever so gently took my hand and walked ahead of me paving the way to where I am today.

So as I sit here, with questions and curiosity about the next step, feeling like there is a change of direction in my life, I know that He is preparing me for the future.  I may not completely know or totally understand what that looks like, but I do know without a doubt, that when I do reach that next step, I will look back to today and know that this was part of His plan, and I will be so grateful for this part of the journey.

Underneath the Tapestry

Life is a journey.  

These words are the mantra of life around here.   In fact, it is so much a part of life around here, that when choosing a name for my blog, it became the overall theme to this blog.   Our Present Quest.   The day to day activities and events that make up the overall journey of life and how we respond to them.   I don't want to end my life standing before God the same person that I was yesterday or the day before.   I want to be a person who has changed and grown, and hopefully, tomorrow becoming a better person than I was today.

Don't get me wrong.  That focus isn't always easy to keep, and there are days where I can't wait for the sun to set so that I can crawl into bed and forget the day.   There are weeks where each day feels like an eternity and I find myself asking, "Is it really only (insert day of the week)?"

We are in the middle of one of those weeks.   "Isn't it Friday yet?"  Unfortunately, this week follows a couple of weeks that have felt the same.  While preparing lessons for the month of May, I find myself in the strange time warp of "May already?!?!" and "It has been a long month!"   I can never quite understand how time can be like that, slipping away so fast, and yet, dragging by at the exact same time.

Photo Credit: kslyesmith

Life seems to be chaotic, messy, busy, and in someways changing at a rapid speed.   I wonder why it all is happening now, in the space of a couple of weeks to a month.   Why can't we space this out a little?   Maybe I would handle it a little better?   Maybe I could embrace (remember that is my word for this year?) each change fully and know for sure and for certain that each change was not made by a drastic quick decision?  

 Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working out that way this time.  I find that all I can do is grab tightly to His hand, and follow.   I want to keep my eyes open for as much of the ride as I can right now, but I find comfort in the fact that when I can't take anymore, He is in control and He will guide me.   



Sometimes, we stumble upon something, written by someone else, and you think that it was written just for you.   Today, Mark sent me a link to a post, that was written today by a gentleman I don't know, and yet, the post is so timely in my life, as if it were written just for me.  

Michael Hyatt writes today about how our life is like a tapestry.   It is well written, and I encourage you to check out the full post here.   I want to share with you the part that really spoke to me this morning.  

"It made me also think again how much life is like a tapestry. Corrie ten Boom originally introduced me to this metaphor.

As it unfolds in real time, it’s like viewing the backside of a tapestry. It appears to be nothing more than a jumble of thread—tangled, frayed, occasionally knotted, and seemingly random. Nothing really makes sense. It’s no wonder people lose heart, give up, and abandon their commitments.

But things are not always what they seem.

It’s only when you turn a tapestry over that you see the art: the rich colors, the texture, and the patterns that can make a tapestry a thing of astonishing beauty.

Likewise, occasionally God gives us a glimpse at what He is weaving into the fabric of our lives. That momentary peek at glory gives us the courage to soldier on, knowing that nothing happens by accident.

No thread of experience—good or bad—is wasted. When it appears to be that way, we just have to remind ourselves that we are simply looking at the backside of a tapestry. And the One weaving it together, knows precisely what He is doing."

In this time when life is complicated and I am asking God the question "Why?"  It helps to remember that I don't always see the big picture or the top of the tapestry.   Rather, I am in the middle of the story, in the middle of the weaving, seeing one color or one thread at a time.  

In remembering that, my comfort lies in the weaver or the master story teller.   He knows the big picture, and He knows the outcome of the journey that I am on.  

Unconditional Love

We're on a journey, you and I.   Was it one I signed up for?  In a way, I suppose it was.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about this path.   No, it is not that at all. 

The journey began the moment I said "Yes."
How many years ago was that?


However, I think the real journey began when I asked for your help.   I remember all of the times we have sat together and talked.   Maybe I did more of the talking?  I still have a habit of that at times.   Sorry.   You are so patient, listening without complaint.    When I talk you never criticize or belittle me, rather you encourage, support, and love... I can always count on you for that.  Thank you.

I don't know why this one was different from any of the others.   We have spent many times such as this together, but for some reason this one is different.   What you did has not changed.  What was said has not changed.   Maybe it was me that changed?   Probably.

It was a time of reflection.
A time of remembrance.
A time of celebration.

Celebration of you... what you did, who you are.  

This morning as the house is quiet, I am reflecting on our time together this past week.   It was and is good.   We pushed out the distractions of the world and spent time together.   This time, you talked... I listened.

The topic, Love.   Of course I love.   Ask me if I love deeply, my answer is yes.   But when I look at your example, I am left in awe.   To love at the level that you love robs me of words and breath.   Knowing what you gave for me, in my weakness and imperfections, blows my mind.    I cannot fathom it.   I sit humbled, tears in my eyes and thanksgiving in my heart.

Then there was the story that has touched me to the core.  The story of Ron, Debbie, and Denver.   Another story about love.    Loving with no strings attached and no judgement.   Loving when it is not easy or convenient.  That kind of love sounds familiar.  I am still processing their story as it is newer to me than yours.  But I know their story happened because they had your example.

Can I love like that?   Can I look past the exterior, the behaviors, the words said, and see the heart?    Can I truly love with no strings attached and no judgements?

I know you are helping me with that.   That is part of this journey that we are on.   Because, I know that when I can truly love like that, people will see you and your glory.   And that is what I want most in my life.

As we journey together, I know that you are refining me.   Am I complaining?   No.   I know that because of this journey I am who I am.

Today, I am better than I was yesterday.
Tomorrow, I will be better than I am today.
And for that, I give you all of the glory.

Photo Credit

Not Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday..... not for me today.   I have had too many days of few words, today they are bubbling out!  

Last night was a turning point for me and, I am on the mend.   I am feeling much better today.  I have been able to read today which is HUGE for me because my eyes have not been able to focus for too long on detailed information.   

Since I have two more days of being home, doctor's orders, I am also hand writing a letter to each of our Compassion Children!  Hey, I have no where else I have to be right!?!  I normally use the online writing tool and send pictures that way, but today, they are getting a hand written letter along with calendar pages from last year's calendars that have inspirational quotes on them.  

The other really fun part of my day is that Mark bought me a journal and it arrived today!   Last week before I got sick, I found out exactly why my word for the year is Embrace.  I don't think that the reason for this word could be any more loud and clear than what I found out last Tuesday.   And while I can't put all of the details out on the blog right now for many reasons, Mark wanted me to have a way to journal some of the thoughts and feels as we move through this year.   Here it is.... my new journal....

I can't wait to fill it with words!  But today, I am just enjoying the newness of it, the blank pages, and the unbroken binding. 

Remembering the Promises

The voices began as whipsers when it happened.

"How could you do that?   It is not like you to....."  

I fought back telling myself that everyone has a bad day, or a moment when something just doesn't work right.   If only it had stopped there.   However,  last week was one of those weeks where anything and everything that could go wrong, did.   The voices grew louder each and every day until they were practically screaming at me.

"Really?  How could you do THAT?   What is WRONG with you?"  

The entire week the voices and accusations grew louder and my insecurities grew stronger.   Waves upon waves of guilt washed over me for everything and anything that was going on in, around, and yes, sometimes even near our family.   If it was not going right, it must be my fault because everything else seemed to be.  It was one of those weeks where I was was being pulled down by the undercurrent, and I wondered when I would be able to break free again. 

Saturday morning as I looked in the mirror while getting ready for the day, I began to tell myself the truths that I have been learning in the book we are reading for our small group.  

I am not a failure, I am loved by God. 
I have made mistakes, but I am forgiven by God.
I am not insignificant, I am chosen by God.
I am not abandoned, I am cherished by God. 

As I began to tell myself these things, the insecurities slowly receeded and I was beginnng to feel the firm soil beneath my feet again.   I continued telling myself these things and the voices began to quiet.

Now in the beginning of a new week, the voices still attempt to break through and the insecurities try to swell, but I push them back, remembering the promises that I am learning.   I also find comfort in the resources around me today.    In catching up with blog reading today, I ran across a post on Pete Wilson's blog.   In this post, he talks about his insecurities that he felt last week.  A pastor, author, and blogger (an he is pretty good at the writing end of the spectrum in my opinion, although I have never heard him speak.),  I am amazed that he is struggling with feeling inadequate like I am.   He mentions that insecuirty will "erode your effectiveness and leave you useless and powerless."  Yep, that sums up how I feel about my week last week.   But here is the best part, I absolutely love how he ends the post,

"Be yourself. Live your giftedness. Listen to the voice of 

your Creator which is the only voice that really matters 

and tell those other voices to shut up."

I will continue today what started yesterday, telling the other voices to be quiet because I am going to listen to the promises of my God and have a much better week because of it.