One More Run At It

The third week is here.   Already.  I said I needed three weeks, and my how they have flown by.  It is hard for me to believe that two and a half weeks ago, I was crossing the finish line feeling excited, exhausted, overwhelmed, and many other things.   Things that I don't know if I will ever be able to put into words.   What caught me most by surprise was the let down the next day.   I had thought the feeling of accomplishment would be huge on Monday.   I expected to feel proud of crossing my first finish line.   What greeted me Monday morning when I opened my eyes were tears.   Why tears?   As a multitude of feelings washed over me, I had so much to think about and to process.   All of the hard work and energy in preparing were not in vain.   I felt ready for the run.   It wasn't that I was not pleased with the results.   Rather, the preparation, anticipation, and run were done.  The feelings of "Now What?" resonated so loudly within me.  

In the days that followed the run, a common question was "Are you going to run a marathon?" to which I can honestly answer, that at this point, I have no desire to run a full marathon.  Another question was "Are you going to run another race?"  That question didn't have an answer.   I promised myself that I would take the three weeks of "recovery" to process my feelings, put my running shoes on again, and see how everything "feels" again. 

Those three weeks are nearly up and in this time, I have found that I have a lot more confidence in myself.   During training, I would cut a run short because I didn't think I could make it one step further.  Now, I know the truth, there is nothing in the training that I cannot do because I ran 13.1 miles.    I am becoming comfortable running by myself.   During my training, I was blessed to have my dad by my side for most of the time.   He was a constant source of encouragement whether we were out for 30 minutes or for 10 miles.   Since the run, I have taken some time to run on my own and get inside my own head and now know that I can do these shorter distances on my own and I am building confidence in myself.  I faced the fear on Sunday night that I could stop running and training without a blink of an eye, or at least that is what I felt that particular night.   Monday morning found me running hills, listening to podcasts, and glad that I had taken the time to run.   Can I just give it up?   I don't know.   I like how I felt when I was running, I liked that I was doing something good for my body.

To back track a little, on Sunday night, my mom brought a book back to me that I had given her to read.   It is a very inspiring book about a young man who has accomplished much in his life so far.   With many Olympic medals to mark his achievements, he wrote a book about his training and his inspirations.   His book is titled "Zero Regrets" as that is his thought process when he is training.   When the training gets difficult, he reminds himself that he wants to complete the trainings and do his best so that when he lays down to sleep at night, he can look back over his day with no regrets.   I kept reminding myself about his book when I was preparing for my run.   This book found its way back to my desk.   I have not put the book away yet as I keep pondering "zero regrets."

I ask myself, if I didn't run again, would I regret it?   If I didn't give running another chance, would I wonder what it would feel like to run a race when I knew I could do it.   The answer to both of those questions, I found out this morning, is yes.   My dad mentioned to me in April that there were a couple of options for another half marathon run at the end of the summer.   At the time running was hard, I wasn't sure I enjoyed it, but somewhere deep inside me, I knew at that moment, I would most likely be running another race at the end of the summer. 

Today the decision has been made.   The date is on my calendar again, and I am going to run another half marathon.  I think.  I say I think because it feels so new, and I wonder if perhaps I may change my mind.   This morning I had the same butterflies in the tummy feeling as when I committed to the first run.   With a few tears in my eyes, I called my support group and asked them if they would be there at the finish line.    With a resounding yes, the decision has been made and I am going to run again.   I have heard that the training will be harder this time but that the run will be easier.   So, with a nervous excitement, I look at the calendar with anticipation of what the next nine and a half weeks will hold for me.

Our Back Yard Project

When we began tearing out bushes in our back yard, I had no idea that it would take us almost two years to finish the project.    Now, we are nearly finished, just putting some finishing touches.   We have promised each other that we would not purchase a lot to fill the patio until we see how it lives, so there will still be more additions, but for now, we are excited about the results and wanted to share them with you.

Here is the progression starting in July 2009:

Growth

September 2010, the first day of 4th and 1st grade.  

June 2011.   End of 4th and 1st grade. 
















I look at these two pictures taken nine months apart and see tremendous growth in my children.   Not only physically have they grown up, but they have made huge accomplishments this year.  

E, by recommendation from his teacher, explored different genres of books and actually (to his surprise) enjoyed some of the books that he read this year.    He also completed his commitment to the crossing patrol even in the middle of winter with the sub-zero wind chills, and has put his name in to be a patrol captain for next year.   With perfect attendance, E navigated the waters of friendship ups and downs, learning what makes good friends and deciding when someone was not a good influence in his life.   His teacher, along with Mom and Dad, saw the potential in him, challenged him, and he held up to the challenge.   He played flag football and master diving in swimming lessons.  I could not be more proud of my "little man" than I am today. 

Addy stepped into going to school all day without a hitch.   She loved being at school all day and the ability to eat lunch at school.   She made some new friends and worked through some of the difficult situations of playground happenings well.   Her attitude towards homework and reading were stellar this year and it shows in her improvement to a third grade reading level and as her teacher said to me last week, "a head for numbers."  Addy's handwriting is excellent and she even challenged herself to learn cursive even though according to E, "you don't even learn it until the end of 2nd grade."  In swimming lessons she greatly improved from being afraid to put her head under water to swimming in the deep in without a life jacket.  Addy is motivated and pushes herself to learn, I am so proud of her and what she has accomplished in nine months. 

Both of the kids have done well this year with my work schedules as it created changes in their lives too.   I was not as free to help at the school in their classrooms as I have been in the past.   I have missed a lot of the end of year activities and field trips, which is the first year that has happened.   With positive attitudes and understanding, they have been troopers through the year of transition for our family.   I am so thankful for them and cherish them.   They are great kids and becoming great friends. 

To Just Be

It is mid afternoon now as I sit here with a Diet Pepsi in one hand and the love of my life sitting next to me.   I have been in the same spot now for almost six hours when he asks me what I am thinking about.  

As I look out over my gardens, I am able to honestly say that there is not a thought running through my mind at the moment.  Sure I have said that in the past three months, but perhaps it was something I was thinking that was not ready to be shared, or perhaps there wasn't enough time to have the conversation.   Today, however, there is nothing running through my mind, it is calm.  

The noise of the past three months which consisted of statistics, schedules, training-both work and marathon, and the kids' school, have for the most part gone away.    As of Friday I am again working only two jobs, which is a much better balance for our schedule.   The kids are done with their tests and homework because the final week of school consists of mainly fun days, as it should.   One week ago today, I completed something I never thought I would be able to do.   

Those noises are fading, being replaced with the sounds that are like a healing balm to my soul.   The wind blowing in the trees causing my new wind chime to create a beautiful melody.  Birds joyfully singing as they splash in the newly cleaned bird bath.   A baseball is being caught in a leather glove at the park behind our house.   

Today is the first time in a long time that I have been able to just sit.  Sit, without the nagging feeling that I need to be doing something or going somewhere.  Sit, without having to say anything, think anything, process anything.  Today I was able to sit and just be. 

Success With Much Love and Support

The finish line has been crossed and people cheered us on from the starting line to the finish line.   I was amazed at how many people stood by the side of the road to cheer on the runners.    I am still processing the run, but what I do know is that I did the best I could do.   A friend of mine pointed out that four months ago, I was not a runner.   I was new to the health club and could hardly complete a 20 minute work out.   As of today, I have put over 100 miles on my running shoes and completed 13.11  miles at one time.   That is an accomplishment, and one I never thought I could say "I have done that". 

This post is not one to process the entire run because first, there are so many people I want to thank.   Without these people the finish line crossing would have looked so different, and possibly may not have happened.  




Mark.  The training schedule not only affected my days, but yours as well, with the early morning and going to bed while the sun was still up so that I would get enough sleep.  Your understanding is much appreciated when I would come home from a run so sore I had to sit on the couch a couple of times while you pulled the kids together and got things done.   I enjoyed our early morning conversations over coffee, something I hope continues in the future!  Your encouragement through the days when I was frustrated, and your enthusiasm when the runs were good is not forgotten.  Thank you for your constant support and for being at the finish line,  knowing you were there kept me going.  I love you and am so happy that you are my husband and best friend.

E and Addy.  You are amazing.  I appreciate your encouragement and excitement as I embarked on a new journey in my life.   It was fun to share each day's stats with you and the hugs and high fives you gave made it all the more fun.   I loved the signs and bell ringing that greeted me at the finish line.   I love you both so much! 

Dad.   To experience one of your passions with you for these past months means more than I can even put into words.   It is definitely something I will never forget.   Thank you for sharing your knowledge and getting me through so many of the unknowns.  Thank you for keeping me accountable in the early mornings, and for all of the conversations we had. 

Mom.   You told me that I can do whatever I put my mind to, and it gave me the confidence to even attempt this run.   Thank you for the continued support and encouragement, and thank you most of all for the mornings that you were home drinking coffee by yourself while Dad was running with me.   I know that took away from your time with him, and I do not take that for granted.  Thank you for being at the finish line, knowing you were there kept me going. 

Julie.   You asked a question that has transformed my life.   I have completed something I had never thought I would do.  Thank you for your friendship, support, and for the mornings that we ran even though it was cold and a cup of coffee sounded like a better idea.   I look forward to summer runs together. 

Leanna.   Thank you for the Tuesday night talks and the support and encouragement you gave during those talks.   I looked forward to each and every one of them!    Thanks go to you and your family for being at the finish line, it means so much that you gave up a holiday weekend to be here. 

To those who came to the post-race party.   Your coming to the party gave me something to look forward to when the nerves of the race were at an all time high.   The great company and good food were great thought distraction as the 13.11 miles passed by.

A New Addition

I wanted to take a moment to tell you about the newest addition to our Compassion family.   This happened a couple of months ago when our church was having a Compassion Sunday.   I wrote a little bit about the experience here.  What I did not mention in that post was that our family also found a new child to sponsor.   One night a week before Compassion Sunday,  we opened the box of packets as a family, we all took a different stack to look through.   In the stack that I had, which was children from Asia, the third packet in the stack was a little girl from the Philippines.  I looked at her picture and was instantly drawn to her.  

Was it the hint of the smile on her face or her pretty pink dress, I am not sure.   I then looked at her name and then her birthday.   It was a done deal, I knew she had to become part of our family.   August 14, 1999, when Mark and I were saying our vows, across the Pacific Ocean a little girl was born and now we had an opportunity to correspond and pray for each other.    I showed her picture to Mark and said, she is it. 

I have written two letters to Mary Grace, I hope she has received at least one of them letting her know about our special connection.   Compassion bloggers are set to leave tomorrow for a sponsor trip to the Philippines, I cannot wait to read about their trip and hopefully get a small glimpse into Mary Grace's world all the while wishing it was my bags being loaded on the plane to make the trip.   I hear of the typhoon that is impacting her country now and lift her up in prayer that she and her family are safe.  

Today we received our first letter from Mary Grace!   What a wonderful thing to have in our mailbox today.   She introduces herself to us and we find out that her favorite color is indeed pink!   Today, the picture of the little girl with a small smile in the pink dress become more than just a picture of a person, today the picture is more interesting as I know just a little bit more about her. 

So Special

Today I received an early birthday present from two very special four year old girls.   I walked into their class this morning to collect them for our computer time and was presented with these two beautiful pieces of art:

I love them!   I am going to keep them as a reminder of the children who were in my life for a very short season. 

The other part of my day that I don't want to forget is a story about another little boy at another center that I was at today.   He has been a challenging student all year.    He has been the hardest student for me to work with.   I have at times been ready to send him back to his classroom and ask the teacher to not send him back to class.    Even the director at the day care center said this student would be the death of her one day.  While getting the children for class today, this little boy came running up to me and grabbed my hand.   He then began talking to me (a first) telling me how he was such a fast runner because he was the first one in line for class today.   Once we were all settled in our group and talking about today's lesson he raised his hand (another first) so I called on him.   He said, "Miss Janelle, your necklace is so beautiful."   I don't know if it was just the day or if we have crossed a new bridge together.   That, I may never know, but none the less, I am glad that today we had that connection. 

After nine months of stretching, learning, and growing, we are near the end of my contract.  I have two weeks left with these children.   I am so thankful that this week was a good week with them.   I think back to my interview and remember my boss saying that the first part of the year is hard because the kids have to learn about you, learn your systems, learn your style, learn how you do things.   He also said that May is easy, the children know you, they know your systems, and they know how you do things.   I am so glad that the hard part is in the past and that I am left with the good time and remember that as I move onto another new journey in life.